Reflections on 2008

So it's been 365 days since we brought in 2008. Trying to leave the demons in 07 bringing in the new year with joy and festivities hoping to set a trend that the next 364 days would follow. Realistically this doesn't make sense but we try to make it work in our human minds.

Last year 2007 ended with tails of chasing tail, saying fuck school, and changing my mind every 5 seconds. I didn't have a NY kiss but I dapped my boy Preston and we both became committed to the money. Oh how that's changed. I dont know what he's doing but me I have lost so much value in money anymore I don't even care about the US economy.

Started the year in a relationship shortly after. Worst mistake of my life. We live and learn I understand but I ignored all warning signs and deserved everything that came to me in that relationship. So even if I still had hate in my heart I can't wish upon her because I should have known better. Kurupt said it best.

Me & my friends went through ups and downs. There were weeks I wouldn't see them and not even care. And they were months where we shared life changing moments together. And right now I don't know where me and my friends stand.

School. HHAHAHAHAH. Yea Epic Failure. Right now I don't even think school is for me.

I put on a facade to people. Like i read somewhere that this dude was having a bad day and he didnt say 10 words to people all day. That's the opposite of me. If people knew how I really saw myself they be worried. But everytime you see me I'm happen and if you even suspect any thing I cheer up real fast. I don't know who reads my blog but if some one does then confronts me about this I'm a laugh hella hard and tell them "You know I be fuckin around" It's just how I am.

Drugs. I don't think I got into as heavy as I think. I mean I'm 2 months clean so there is no dependency. But then again I can't see my life w/o drugs. Escape is what keeps me sane.

So on to 2009
My plans got royally fucked up so many times I don't even care. I honestly might get a blunt, a flask of henny and just chill at the park by my house and bring in the new year the ACTUAL way it's going to be. Me, myself, and I. That's the only who I can ever count on and even then I disappoint. So happy new year to everyone even though not everyone will have one. I mean look at how everyone is always complaining about the year before.

But it's ok it means you're never content. And isn't that what life is all about?

IDGAF

Rhododendrons

On the hottest night of the year
Lying in a patch of rhododendrons

A bottle of whisky under my arm
Trying to count a sky full of stars
I dream of order, I dream of fleets
Of Napoleon in aquamarine

He said "Linus put that blanket down
You've slammed your door too many times"
He said "Linus put that blanket down
The world won't wait"

Boy, what you gonna do with your life?

When I was your age, I was commanding fleets
When I was your age, I was soaked in victory

And now you can't keep a job and you can't keep a wife
What a horrible mess you're gonna make of your life
Watched way too many American films
To be John Wayne, Brando or James Dean

Waiting so long for your wrists to get thick
Waiting so long for the next great party
So many questions, so little to say
You don't need these weights

Boy, what you gonna do with your life?

So you want to be an artist, want to be a singer
Want to be remembered for what you could create

So you want to be a cowboy, riding to the distance
Never have to listen or answer to anyone

So you want to be a boxer, surviving on your instincts
Relying on your fists and the quickness of your wit

Are you bigger than these buildings and the grey around you?
Is your pain more worthy than everybody else?

Drunk again in the rhododendrons

N.E.R.D "Sooner Or Later" Video

My favorite song off Seeing Sounds turned into a video. It's cool expected more though.

Bloc Party was Fucking Amazing Tonight!

That would have been the title of my post had I gone tonight. I knew I should have bought a ticket, trusting anonymous sources never seems to work for me.

Maybe I'm not meant to see Bloc Party. If you don't believe peep the resume

Spring 2006: Was suppose to go missed on tickets. They sold out (my bad). I found tickets on craigslist 2 for 100. Me & my friend would buy them and my friend would give us a ride turns out he could only give one of us a ride. Concert missed

Fall 07: Detour Festival hyped for 2 months. Friends say we're going for sure. 100%. My friend buys a ticket I'm a get it at the door. Morning of the concert, friends say nah too much money don't want to go. Then my friend comes through in the clutch says he's down then realizes he has to leave at 10. I say fine whatever i dont care after 20 minutes of deciding. Then after all that he says never mind I dont want to go.

Today: I saw the date was hyped. Was gonna buy tickets but remembered a friend had a hook up. Friend lags and lags and then a week before we realize we got VIP. The day of the concert comes and well the guy who hooked my friend up has work all there apparently and cant make it to the concert and we can't go.

Yea so that was pretty much my story and like that we're off to bed.

O shit wait a minute more about me

School is over, this could possibly be the worst semester of my life. School wise and life wise. A lot of friends are helping me go down the wrong path and I hate to sound like the average dumb ghetto girl on myspace but this is a new year and a new man. I'm not like Katt Williams I dont appreciate hate. Contrary to belief I want people to understand me. I honestly don't know what 09 is going to bring but I know it's change. The optimistic hope for the best. The pessimistic fears the worst. Me, I just know no matter what there's a future and we can't stop time.

[DJ Drama]And like that, WE GONE![/DJ Drama]

Biko - Bloc Party

I destroy everything I touch

Honestly these last 2 weeks have been the worst weeks mentally I ever had.
Nothing bad has happen but I am very fearful for my future.
Pending on these grades I may have to take a semester off.
Yea I am getting hours now but when the season is over then what? Cause if I get kicked out of school I am going to need a full time job because I will have to move out. So it's very worrisome add that with my insurance and college loan. I honestly think College may not be for me but after taking that loan out I feel an obligation. So my brain has been fried so in about a week or 2 we will see what my future is going to look like.


PS: I got my ears re-stretched again. 4g and Bloc Party on Monday. Those things make me happy. :)

Fuck it, bucket, osh kosh bigosh

I havent been on here in a minute but yea nothing new so heres the run down

1)I hate school
2)I want to move to Vegas
3) Music makes me sane
4) I've been sober since Halloween
5) TAO seems ehh...only reason im hype is cause the people I love are going with
6)Niketalk consumes my free time
7)I spent way too much money on PlayCloths
8)I enjoy Kanye's 808 & The Heartbreaks
9)I hope DLH whoops Pac Man's ass
10)I hate school